


babylon

by vosian_nightmare



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Blood, Competent Skoodge, Competent Zim (Invader Zim), Fights, Gen, Sparring, Strong Language, also they have super healing so that helps, but by aliens that grew up in an unhealthy system that very much pushed the "them or me" mentality, canon got taken out back and beat to death with a crowbar, depends on how long my hyperfixation lasts, dib is a teenager he uses naughty words, its just a sparring match, mention of execution, mention of suicide, no i will not give you context, sorry jhonen, the violence isnt that graphic but theres blood so im tagging it, this started out as writing practice and ended up as well this, well maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27257866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vosian_nightmare/pseuds/vosian_nightmare
Summary: Skoodge spoke before Zim could pounce on Tak. “What about a spar?”All eyes on Skoodge, who shrunk in on the bowl in his lap. Dib’s eyes were as wide as they could go. A sparring match? Between two aliens? To be able to watch Zim fight without fearing for his life?Sign him the fuck up.
Relationships: Dib & Zim (Invader Zim), Invader Skoodge & Zim
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	babylon

**Author's Note:**

> a;dfjklashdks okay so i hyperfixed on iz at about the same time i wanted to practice writing fight scenes so heres this mess. i also just kinda threw in some headcannons and au nonsense that will probably never be elaborated on so have fun with that
> 
> also i think we, as a fandom, should appreciate skoodge more. the lad really does his best and i love him
> 
> also my sincerest apologies to jhonen who would probably drop me out of a plane for messing with his boys. i sowwy. i like angst.
> 
> one more preface: i """edited""" this while sick so any mistakes you see are due to the cold my s/o gave me

If Dib could time travel and tell his old self that in, say, four-ish years he’d have three aliens, including his nemisis, just kinda chilling watching dumb movies in his living room he thinks his old self would-

Well, his old self would probably freak the fuck out knowing time travel was real. Then freak the fuck out over what his alternate self just revealed, probably saying something about "saving the Earth". Though, to be fair, having Zim complain about shitty movies in his house was successfully keeping the frustrating alien from trying to take over the Earth, Irken Empire gone or not.

But 16 year old Dib is not lucky enough to have that simple black and white relationship to the alien currently sitting on his living room floor commenting about the lack of good, or in his words “realistic”, fight scenes in the stupid spy movie someone (he thinks it was Tak but he knows Skoodge like the more pop-culture iconic movies) had chosen.

“Zim, it’s just a movie.” Dib tries, even though he knows it’ll just spur the little menace along.

He was right, unfortunately. “Zim knows. I _also_ know that that human could not actually have survived so many hits to the chest and head _and_ an almost 50 foot fall,” He said smugly over the sound of explosions and breaking bones from the T.V. Dib rolled his eyes and leaned against the armrest of the couch trying to focus on the movie at least a little.

“It’s true.” Skoodge said from his spot next to Zim, at Dib’s feet. The smaller Irken didn’t even look away from the T.V. while shoving popcorn in his face and talking at the same time. “And the fighting’s not realistic anyways. Hand to hand combat like that?” He hummed a negative and ate a few more kernels. “Irken fights can usually last that long but from what I know about humans your muscles usually give out way before…this.” He waves at the T.V.

Dib sits up a little, curious. “Irken fights? How often do those happen? I thought all Irkens were…uh…” Three sets of Irken eyes were on him at this point. “-loyal to the empire and therefore to each other? At least for the most part?” He finished carefully. Tak from the other end of the couch scoffed but it was Zim that explained. As soon as he finished laughing, the little menace.

“Dib-human, I can understand where you misconceptions are coming from, since human babies are coddled to the point of inadequacy, but Irken smeets are trained from the moment of hatching.”

“Hatching?” Gaz asked. She grimaced.

“From cloning tubes.” Tak’s turn. “’Hatch’ isn’t a very good word. There’s a specific word for it in Irken but ‘hatch’ is the closest in your language, despite it’s connotations.” She said a word in Irken Dib hasn't learned yet. "Or maybe born? But that still-"

Dib waved away the current topic. “Wait, wait. So you are born just…ready to fight? Wait, no. You said ”train“, like soldiers. Child soldiers?”

“We aren’t human, Dib,” Zim said, surprisingly serious. “We don’t have childhood stages like you do. Yes, you could consider us ‘child soldiers’, especially those of us born in the invader class but-”

Dib interrupted. “Wait, class?” Someone paused the movie. Zim sighed.

“I will not go into the complexities of Irken society but we are usually born into our class since we are specifically engineered for it, with the Tallest being the, eh, main exception,” Zim explained easily. Dib was enamored. He usually doesn’t get this much information on Irk and not usually this freely. Talking about Irk with Zim is like pulling teeth. “Invaders are a special case as well because the batches were experimented on very heavily, especially during Tallest Miyuki’s reign.”

“Was that when you were 'hatched'?”

“All three of us, yes,” Tak said. “I was born in a different hatchery than them but at around the same time.”

Dib turned to the two Irkens on the floor, curious. Skoodge picked up on the curiosity. “Zim and I were different batches but since mine was immediately before his our batches trained together very often.”

“Do you know what was done to your batches? What the experiments did?” The two fell silent at that.

Finally Skoodge spoke up. “We don’t know exactly what the variable was but I think it had something to do with height. My batch all ended up short, like me. Not many made it through training. Zim’s…” He trailed off, eyeing his friend. A short, silent conversation happened between the two as they made eye contact. Skoodge spoke again. “Zim’s made them fairly tall, for the most part, but all came out…”

“Defective.” Zim said, solemn. He didn’t spit the word out like he used to. It was something they were working on.

“Most made it through training but started showing signs after. Some died because of their mission, some killed themselves. Most were executed.”

A heavy silence filled the room. Dib cleared his throat. “What- what do you mean by ‘made it through training’?”

Zim spoke up again. “Irken invaders start sparring even before they get their first information session. The first few are to the death, to weed out the weak before more resources could be spent on them-”

Dib cut him off again. “So, wait, you’re telling me that you, fresh into the world, _killed_ _your siblings?”_ He and Gaz shared a look. She was as shocked as he was.

“Yes.” was the succinct response.

Dib was reeling. “So, wait, every time we fought-”

Skoodge was back to eating the popcorn now that the more dark conversation was over. “Oh, yeah, no.” He said around a mouthful of popcorn, completely casual. “If Zim wanted you dead, you’d be dead.”

Dib look at Zim. Zim was looking at Skoodge. Skoodge was focused on finding the popcorn with the most butter not even noticing the mood change in the room or doing a very good job of ignoring it.

“I don’t believe it.” Tak broke the staring train, scoffing. “I’ve fought Zim. He’s not _that_ good. Well, maybe good enough to beat the monkey-” Dib’s _“hey!”_ was ignored. “-but to survive invader training? I just thought you were a food service drone that went AWOL.”

Skoodge spoke before Zim could pounce on Tak. “What about a spar?”

All eyes on Skoodge, who shrunk in on the bowl in his lap, finally noticing the mood change and not liking it. Dib’s eyes were as wide as they could go. A sparring match? Between two aliens? To be able to watch Zim fight without fearing for his life?

Sign him the fuck up.

“Okay, but where?” Gaz asked, the only one in the group who questioned the logistics of it.

Zim rubbed his chin, thinking. “The school gym has adequate space. And it is not too different from Irken fighting spaces.” Gaz nodded.

It was Dib’s turn to question it. “Woah, wait am minute. It’s, like, midnight. Breaking into the high school is a bad idea. A _very_ bad idea.”

But it was already too late. The others were already getting ready to leave and the part of him that _really_ wanted to see this won over. He grabbed his truck keys with a sigh.

* * *

Dib was assigned lookout, which was a nice way of saying he was useless. He stood behind a corner of the school watching the main road that went by the school to make sure no one pulled in while the three Irkens were dismantling security. He, Gaz, and Gir were just waiting on the go-ahead from one of them.

Dib ducked behind the corner as an especially bright car drove past. Behind him, Gaz sat against the wall playing on her GameSlave. Gir was next to her eating what looked like a handful of grass.

Less than five minutes after they went in, Skoodge opened the side door. “Okay, done.” Dib cocked an eyebrow, surprised.

“Already? You guys disabled all of the school’s security in-” he checked his phone’s time, “four minutes?” Skoodge nodded. Gaz slipped past him with Gir, obviously not as impressed or surprised as Dib was. “Even the hounds?”

Zim ducked his head out behind Skoodge, his disguise off and what looked like a half-healed dog bite on his arm. His antenna were back in irritation. “Inside.” And he was gone. Skoodge followed.

Dib rolled his eyes, looked back behind him once more, and went inside.

* * *

He sat on Gaz’s right on the bleachers, with Gir in his lap, while the three aliens, now all undisguised, talked on the floor of the gym.

Gaz was back on her GameSlave with the volume low but on. Dib tuned out the sound of her game to try and eavesdrop on the three. He gave up when he realized they were speaking Irken.

Finally Tak left Skoodge and Zim and made her way up the bleachers. She sat one row in front of them, left of Gaz. She kicked her feet up and crossed her arms, but her antenna were up and alert. She was just as interested in this fight was Dib was even if she tried to not show it.

In the center of the gym Dib saw Skoodge lean in to say something to Zim, probably about how this isn’t a real fight so please _please_ don’t kill me, before stepping back. In the blink of an eye the atmosphere of the gym had changed from friendly and bored to tense. Strained.

Both sets of antenna were alert as the two circled each other, slowly closing the circle with every step until they met in the middle. They stopped. Their antenna fluttered together, Skoodge once again whispering something to Zim before straightening and gently placing a hand on Zim’s shoulder. Zim placed his other hand on Skoodge’s adjacent shoulder and for a beat they stood there.

An explosion of movement.

Skoodge’s PAK legs were out before Dib could flinch, doing his best to push Zim to the floor. Zim, on the other hand, used Skoodge’s momentum against him and threw the smaller Irken across the gym.

PAK legs scraped the glossy gym floor, leaving huge gash marks as Skoodge got his bearings again. On the other side of the gym, Zim was recovering from the force of the impact on his PAK against the gym floor. The loud thunk had made Dib wince.

Zim was on his feet in no time, though, meeting Skoodge in a flurry of movement. Skoodge dodged Zim’s charge and their PAK legs-when did Zim deploy his PAK legs?- met in a shower of sparks and the worst sound Dib’s every heard. He and Gaz flinched at the sound. Tak’s antenna shifted but she just kept taking in the scene in front of her with a frown.

Someone’s hit met their mark because there was now pink blood on the gym floor. The two were moving way too fast for Dib to see who was hit, but he thinks it was Zim.

Dib leaned in to the fight, the sounds already becoming background noise to his own breathing and heartbeat. This was exciting. _He_ was excited. Was this how it felt to be at a sports game? He didn’t even know he was rooting for. In his lap, Gir cheered Zim on.

The fight didn’t stop even as the injuries were piling up. Dib saw Zim snarl after a particularly nasty hot to the shoulder before launching himself back into the fight. A small voice in the back of his head said this could very easily go bad and he should put a stop to it. He ignored it in favor of watching Zim fight with more fervor than he’d ever fought with him.

It was then that he noticed how calm Skoodge was. The usually jittery Irken was a wave of calm against Zim’s snarls and hisses.

But Dib understood why, he thinks. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Zim could fight. A lot better than he thought. The dumb alien really has been holding back on their fights. And when he fights for real, he fights _dirty_.

Cheap shots, flipping Skoodge away from him, hell he even threw things at the other Irken. Zim fought like his life depended on it. And from what Dib had pieced together from the Irken’s ‘childhood’, a part of him probably thought he was.

The rest of the fight went by in a blur, more or less.

After throwing the other across the gym _again_ , Zim surprised Dib by retracting his PAK legs and charging Skoodge, who used his PAK legs to launch himself over Zim.

That was his mistake. Dib didn’t see it happen, just the aftermath. Instead of landing gracefully, Skoodge tumbled head over heels, leaving a smearing of pink blood on the slick floor.

Zim slid to a halt, one PAK leg retracting. He stood up as Skoodge groaned. One of Skoodge’s hands lifted and his PAK legs retracted, and Zim relaxed minutely. Ever so slowly, Skoodge stood up to reveal a long gash across his front. It had already stopped bleeding but Skoodge gave the fight to Zim.

Skoodge smiled as Zim walked over to meet him. “Still not a record.” He shifted on his feet and winced. Zim grinned back.

Whatever he was about to say was cut off by Gir screaming in excitement and squirming out of Dib’s lap. He launched himself at Zim, all the while asking a million questions about the fight and Irken fights in general, several that Dib found himself asking as well.

Dib was still in shock, though. The fight was the proof, _definiative_ proof that Zim really was as formidable as his younger self thought he was. Because he was _holding back_. But _why though?_ Why would Zim go easy on him if he was the one thing standing between him and conquering the planet for his Tallest?

Beside him, Gaz was also shocked. “Holy shit, dude,” she breathed, a quiet, near hysterical chuckle lacing her voice. Zim, having heard her, flashed his signature, feral grin.

“Of course Zim is your champion. You will all now buy him gas station snacks as reward.”

Any rebuttal was cut off by Tak’s “ _WHAT?!”_. She climbed down the bleachers, monologuing about “firsts” and “slaughtering rat people” that left Skoodge uncomfortable.

Dib was still sitting, not moving. The gears in his head were turning, running through past fights to see if he could catch Zim pulling his punches in the act. He couldn’t. Zim was either very good as hiding his fighting skills or… he doesn’t know. _What the hell just happened?_ A friendly spar at midnight had turned almost everything he knew about his friend (enemy? It was still kind of a grey-area…).

Gaz recovered before he did. She climbed down and interrupted Tak, saying something to Zim that Dib didn’t catch.

Eventually, Dib moved. He climbed down, mind still whirring. He watched as the Irkens donned their disguises and headed for the door they came in through. Dib turned back to eye the mess they made of the gym, the blood splattered on the floor and the deep, sharp gashes in the wood.

“Uh, hey guys?” The others turned back to him. “Shouldn’t we, like, do something about this?” He gestured to the mess. Zim shrugged and Tak rolled her eyes.

“What about it?”

Dib looked at her, arm still outstretched. “ _What about-_ there’s an _ocean_ of _alien blood_ in our high school gymnasium!”

Gaz shook her head and crossed her arms. “Dude, I’m sure you don’t want to mop that shit up, and I’m sure as hell not going to and neither are they.” She pointed back at the aliens now making their way outside. “Plus, I’m pretty sure no one’s first thought is going to be ‘alien fight club’.”

Dib pouted as she left with the others. “Mine would have been.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay so
> 
> fights am i right? 
> 
> theyre both fine despite the ~~trauma~~ blood. dib bought them snacks. zim passes out later from sugar crash. they never finish watching the movie.
> 
> (also i just wanna put this out there that if i accidentally used someone else's headcannon without knowing then im really sorry. i have memory issues and i took in a lot of iz content in a short amount of time)


End file.
